Room of Life
This was written at church.
Life is found here. In these man made walls of concrete and conflict. Walls that contain a room of worship; a room of prose echoed back to God. This is a room beaming with what is real and true and all the things I’ve ever wanted. Everything. Anything. All the collected desires and voids I’ve ever had are found here. Here, being a catalyst not a place. A catalyst toward the unseen, invisible, perfect.
(And it’s not about clothes or lights or messages that say what I want to hear. It’s about people loving people and refusing to give up on them. It’s about God loving me and refusing to give up on me. It’s about the miracle of the Body and the beauty of selflessness. It’s about honest conversations and the peeling off masks of performance.)
And though my head is full of not knowing, not understanding- I believe. I believe in something better than myself, better than all the good I can do on my own. I can’t even do that much good.
What I’m learning is that Life is not found is in all the places I’ve been living. Maybe you’ve been living in the same places too. The same crowded malls, the same sweaty dance floors, the same bottles of nothing real. Hopeless stories. Have you ever been there? In the terrible spaces that always feel like funerals. The nothing but sadness and disappointment spaces. The promise you everything and deliver not enough places.
Life is not found in flasks of whiskey or jobs with better pay. It’s not in our mirrors or closets, not in our clubs of motion or streets of despair. And though the Life is strong enough for those places- can still be seen in those places- that’s not where His table is found.
Life is found in the quiet yes and the hard steps of sacrifice that I would rather skip. It’s in the pressing on when everything feels hard and I’d rather just sleep it all away. It’s in the seeking and not hearing… in the being tired and still hoping.
Does your heart feel black? Sometimes my heart feels black.
The life of God is big enough for that; it’s big enough for all of my dark, dark days.
So that room, that room I told you about- the one where the Life is found- that’s where I’ll sit. All of my days, that’s where I’ll sit and stay.
Write my name on the wall. Plant myself deep. This room of Life is where I’ll be.
