First Love: A Story of First Things First
We’re driving in the car and I’ve nearly reached my word quota. That’s the point I get to when I’ve said enough words and heard enough words and just want to listen to music. But Janae is next to me and she just keeps talking over the speakers. It’s not that she talks too much, it’s just that we have different quotas. And she isn’t even talking about garbage like gossip or what she ate for lunch either; she’s telling me about a friend who recently ended a relationship and how that person feels like they are now returning to their first love, God.
Janae is saying that our relationships shouldn’t be like that, they shouldn’t take us away from God. I agree, but it’s much easier said then done.
Days later I find myself alone at the beach thinking about how so many things seem to take me away from God. I don’t need a relationship to walk away, I just need Monday to come. I think about all the stuff and the junk and the idols that keep my love at bay. I think about how I always feel distracted and how I want to always do a million things at once.
I wrestle with the tension of what it would look like to actually put first things first, to seek first the Kingdom. The harsh reality is that I spend the majority of my days thinking about school and work and money and what I shouldn’t eat and how my outfit looks and what I’m going to do when it gets dark out. I immerse myself in music and fiction while I daydream through the hours. Sometimes, I open my Bible and talk to God. A too-small fraction of my day is spent thinking about things that I can’t hold in my hands. Mostly though, sadly, I tend to smaller gods.
All of this self-realization brings me to a place where I desire significant change. But the thought of so much change is exhausting.
How would I even begin to seek first the Kingdom in a world that is always telling me about McDonald’s and cool skirts and how much college tuition is? How do I put first things first when my head is busy with fear and anxiety? How am I expected to forsake everything for a God that I sometimes feel far from?
I don’t know how to answer those difficult questions, but I’m beginning to believe that change comes with a deeper understanding of the truth. When we trust enough in the truth of God we have enough courage to crush the idols we’ve laid down next to.
We have to know his stance toward us in order to not walk away. His love is compelling and deep and it’s never going away. That’s his stance toward us. Always. Forever. When we accept that, we can more quickly and easily remain in Him. When we see the truth of how much he loves us and wants us we will be set free more than any happy hour will. The truth says “You are mine and I am for you, even when you trade me for what’s second best.”
And so, we can play the role of the Prodigal child, fooling around with everything that won’t satisfy or we can stay with our first love. We can become the kind of people who stand firm in the foundation that Jesus is Messiah and his life, death, and resurrection are real.
May we constantly kill our little gods for the sake of our first love.
